if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
