come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
