He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
