Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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