Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
