Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
