so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
