I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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