just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
