pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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