Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
