Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
