there's paper in my vomit.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
