But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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