Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
