One girl and one boy is just not enough.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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