just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize