Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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