Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
What drink are we having for lunch?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
