What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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