I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
