Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Floor bacon is actually really good
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
