My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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