I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
