Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
