Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
