I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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