Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
