Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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