You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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