He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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