You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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