the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
