I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
