dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
