My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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