Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
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