Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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