eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
