im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
