Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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