he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
