I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The Olympian is in my bed
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
