You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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