I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
