i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize