he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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