Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just found puke in my bra..
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
