You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
