I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
