so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
