At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
