it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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