Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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