I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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