My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
