So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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