dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
