HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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