She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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