So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
