U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
