Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
