the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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