So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
