the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Randomize
