So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
