Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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