What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize