What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
